I’m sitting in my room curled up in my seat. Dinner in front of me but I don’t feel like eating. Listening to the same song on repeat. Not responding to anyone’s text messages. Reading this tumblr as if he’s a someone I know conversing with me. Haven’t felt this lost in a long time.

A new year doesn’t mean much for me because I live for every new day.
Here’s a list of things you should do daily because it’s worth it:

1. You’re awake so say thank you. Thank God that you’re breathing and for the brand new day ahead.
2. Always start fresh. Resolve your problems within hours that it occurred so that you never go to sleep angry. By resolving, I mean fix it if possible or get over if it isn’t. What doesn’t make it to your tomorrows was probably not worth it anyway. Time to move on.
3. Say positive things. Tell yourself you can do it when you need some motivation.  Challenge yourself to complain less. And if you catch yourself whining or saying something rude, fix it by saying something nicer.
4. Keep calm and make time. Set your priorities straight and work to accomplish those items first. Then when you have time, relax. Take a bath, eat an unhealthy snack, turn up some music and dance, go for a drive, whatever it is that makes you grin.

Point is, there’s no time to waste and no moment to regret. So live it up as best as possible and forget all the rest. Nothing matters in the end but what you have done for yourself. Be you. Be proud. Be happy.

Everyday is a chance to start over.

Totally just realized
this day
three years ago
you broke up with her.
I was your friend
so I consoled you
as your friend.
But now as your
girlfriend..
Thank you,
for messing up
the relationship
you had with him
because now
he’s mine forever
<3 

P.S. I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever. 

April 27, 2009

In the first handwritten letter I wrote to you, I borrowed these magical, heart capturing words from Stephenie Meyer to express how long I am planning to love you. You were so touched by this part of the letter out of the rest of the words I had written to you as neatly as possible. But it didn’t matter as long as you knew how my heart feels for you. Since then, in every letter after the first, I have written the same P.S. to you, just so you will remember my promise to you. I wouldn’t want you to forget it for even a second because it will always be true.

P.S. I have been writing the same P.S. to you since the first note I wrote to you after I became your baby. You loved it so much that I promised myself I would always remind you in every note I will ever write to you. You ready? Here it goes: I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever. <3

December 21, 2011

Sometimes I feel really awesome when other much much much more talented writers follow me :3

Here’s the trick to getting over things: you accept it.

It’s done. You can no longer deny the fact that what has been done is done. So what. You don’t allow yourself to mope about it. Don’t complain to me or to anyone that you’re hurting from it and you need some “technique” to get it out of your head. News flash? There is none. You just have to let time in and take care of you. I know it’s hard but not everything is going to be easily handed over to you in the palm of your hands like magic. Take it from me, I know that it’s hard. Time is phenomenal. Before you know it, you’ll be dancing around like you have all the purpose in the world to be amazing. Time has become such a priority to me and it should be for everyone. There’s no knowing what will happen tomorrow. There’s no point in wasting these ticking seconds of pure bliss by being disturbed by something that didn’t work out. Not everything works out because it wasn’t meant to and something or someone else will come in and fill those empty spaces you feel. Stop crawling into your little corner and asking for a miracle. You’re better than that. You have time to fix things. So many innocent people have had their hour glasses fall out of place and out of their own hands. For every one thing you have to complain about….there’s a million other things to be thankful for. Take a number, what you want will come when its your turn. Just accept it.

Sunday morning.
I dressed myself up in an outfit I planned days ago for my visit to see you. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve last approached your sweet, soft smile and I knew that I had to make the moment last. It wouldn’t be for awhile until I see you again for the weather of the cold, frosty air was too much for me to bear. Too much that it makes time dread out, allowing days to pass by before my very eyes, bringing me to sink down in my bed from morning to evening. Ah, maybe it’s not the weather’s fault that I wasn’t to see you soon again but I just felt it within myself that I needed to make the time last me through the cold winter weather.

Last Monday.
“I haven’t seen you in awhile, when will you come see me?” he asked me through the phone to the point where I could hear the eagerness in his voice to see me.
“Sunday morning, I’ll be on the first train there to be with you,” I responded with promise.

Sunday afternoon.
My thoughts wonder motionless around in my head like clouds floating above me in the seat of the train as I looked out onto the beautiful scenery earth has provided for me through these windows. I reminisce your smile that appears when I’m ignoring you and you helplessly tickle the sadness out of me just to see me giggle again. Not to mention your rosy cheeks after you have seen me from afar and run to catch up with me. I can’t wait to see you again.

Friday night.
“You’re pushing me to my limits to the point where I don’t want to be with you right now. I want to leave.” He said to me as my heart broke in half and then fell onto the floor, shattering into a million more tiny pieces.
I didn’t answer. Not knowing what to do or say to tell you that I want you to stay.

Sunday.
“I’m sorry,” I said, in a voice mail as genuine and sincere as possible. How careless of me to have left my phone at home today…

Sunday, 6PM.
I get off the train, breathing some of the fresh air that was brought to me this brand new day. I gave myself a little grin to keep me pumped up for the next few days with you. I stood in my spot, looking around for a second, grasping in what I have seen once before. I always stood here to meet you every time I came to visit. You always knew where to go. It was traditional because you would come asking for my bags like a little old English man and then let out your arm for me to hold. Once we reached your car, you would open the passenger seat door to let me in, just like the gentleman you are. And when we came home to your house where your mom’s delicious dinner aroma danced through the surroundings of your house, I pretend to tip you with the spare change I had collected before getting on the bus earlier that morning. Then we morphed back into our own beings aside from the characters we played as the limo driver and the wealthy woman - we became you and me again. The two average, meant-to-be us. Remembering this, I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited..

Sunday, 7PM.
Sitting on the bench, acting like I have all the purpose in the world to be sitting there, waiting.

Sunday, 8PM.
After a smelly hobo and a big-boned lady have attempted to sit on this tiny bench on either side of me, I got up. I went back to my spot. Maybe you were just running late.

Sunday, 9PM.
….

Monday, 1AM.
You never came.

Monday, 5AM.
Wiping the tears from my eyes of being let down by you once more, I get back on the train. Time to go home.. for you are no longer the home that I once knew. 

boywandering:

I’m not perfect. I’m not prefect. I’m not prefcet. I’m not prefcte. I’m not prfecet. I’m not pfrceet. I’m not pfrcete. I’m not.

boywandering:

“Write like you breathe. Write in, write out. Write when it hurts, write when you’re happy, write when it matters and when it doesn’t. And if you by chance ever run out of breath, write about that too. “

There is no manual. None. Zip. Zero. No manual to tell you what to do when your mom or dad dies. No manual to tell you what to do when your friend loses someone that they truly love. No manual to tell you how to treasure your moments with someone before their time is running out. No manual to warn you that you need to restart your heart or prepare your life before everything will change in the blink of an eye. No one sees these things coming. It’s all spontaneous like a birthday party where you walk in the room and the lights are dimmed to its darkness but when you illuminate it, balloons are showered everywhere with confetti and cake and all the smiles you will ever need. No one really knows what you need at the end of the day. So, what do you need? What will help you ease the pain little by little? What will make you forget for a few moments that the bad events did not occur and you can just sit and relax a little? What will it take to see you smile again? How long will it take? I think I have been dealing with this constantly that I feel helpless. Like I have lost the little spark in me to remain a little tough to get through this. What good did it ever make for everyone to be sad altogether? Someone needs to step up. But I feel completely and utterly lost for this situation and I am not sure what I can do anymore. Can someone please just write a manual?

My boyfriend and I have made a list over the years of people we will send invitations to not come to our wedding. It’s suppose to say something along the lines of, We are getting married. Aren’t you so happy for us? Too bad you’re not invited to the wedding. 

Lucky you, you’re on top of the list.